How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
