yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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