This girl is more easily done than said...
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
The air was thick with penises
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Randomize
