I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
