Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
