What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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