You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
