listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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