we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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