Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I think my vagina is haunted
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
