On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
