I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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