Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
