ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
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I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
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I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
where are my eyebrows?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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