so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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