i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
