somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
