and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
