"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
