We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Randomize
