closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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