My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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