Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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