there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
