I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
