Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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