They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
