Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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