Got a toothbrush?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
