The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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