I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
