New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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