I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
