took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
