just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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