Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
