yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
