I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
