Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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