please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
