I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Its about making memories worth repressing
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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