i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
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I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
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My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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