There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
