yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
