I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
