If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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