Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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