We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
