Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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