and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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