why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
im on a boat
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