all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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