Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Where is the hickey?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
