Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
