I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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