Banned from zoo.
Again?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
