Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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