she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
