i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
