Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
