Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
