At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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