go do what you do best...puke behind churches
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
